


masks we cannot live within

by paradox_n_bedrock



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fisting, Light Angst, Mild Blood, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Smut, it's incidental and early on, this is actually fairly soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:02:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradox_n_bedrock/pseuds/paradox_n_bedrock
Summary: Zelda wanted in a way that Lilith didn't quite understand. Lilith knew what it was to want, to want viscerally, to want so badly she could feel it in her bones. Nearly her entire existence had been based on a longing for what was just out of reach. Zelda, however, as guarded as she tried to be about the softer emotions, as carefully as she tried to conceal those parts of herself, wanted openly. Her lust for the finer things in life, for food, for entertainment, for satisfaction of all kinds was constantly on display.--Lilith wants what Zelda hides beneath her disaffected act, and reveals more of herself than she'd like in the process.
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 11
Kudos: 108
Collections: Madam Spellman May





	masks we cannot live within

**Author's Note:**

> Well, welcome to the first smut I've written for this fandom. Thanks to muscatmusic18 (themoon-andher-love in Tumblr-land) for providing needed reassurance and beta reading.
> 
> For Madam Spellman May, week 3: Masks. Title is adapted from a James Baldwin quote, "Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

Zelda wanted in a way that Lilith didn't quite understand. Lilith knew what it was to want, to want viscerally, to want so badly she could feel it in her bones. Nearly her entire existence had been based on a longing for what was just out of reach. Zelda, however, as guarded as she tried to be about the softer emotions, as carefully as she tried to conceal those parts of herself, wanted openly. Her lust for the finer things in life, for food, for entertainment, for _satisfaction_ of all kinds was constantly on display. Though often tied up in some unfortunate sense of guilt, she had taken her former religion's commandment towards hedonism deeply to heart. And it was in the throes of pleasure that this trait was most brazenly on display and -- though Lilith didn't understand how that was when she could stand to show her soft underbelly -- she craved that vulnerability. She wished she could pry it out of Zelda the rest of the time, hold sway over her soul the way she could her body, and, in her weakest moments, even give enough, charm enough that Zelda would share _more_ with her in turn. 

And though Lilith wasn’t made for charm, she knew how to give in the ways Zelda needed. 

So when Zelda abandoned the pretense of her book and crossed the room to where Lilith was lounging on the sofa crafting a poppet, she saw the desire plainly written on her face, in the curl of her lips and her heavy-lidded emerald eyes, and let her attention be easily diverted. She took Zelda’s outstretched hand, but rather than letting herself be pulled out of her seat, dragged her down into her lap and transported them directly to the luxurious bed waiting upstairs.

Zelda hummed, millimeters from her lips, “Awfully presumptuous of you.”

“Not when I can read you precisely as well as that text you were neglecting.” Zelda forwent a sarcastic response in favor of kissing her, a firm press of lips and then another, dipping her tongue teasingly inside Lilith’s mouth until she tangled a hand in her hair and devoured her in return. Zelda broke away, kissing the inside of Lilith’s wrist, wet and open-mouthed, making Lilith draw a ragged breath. She placed her hand over Lilith’s then, wrapping it more tightly into the hair at the base of her skull. Lilith searched her countenance for shame, for any urge to be punished for some imagined transgression, and when she found only bright, shining eyes, she obliged. Though she wouldn’t abide it herself, the way it made Zelda melt, drained the tension from her, was undeniable. She leaned back to sit against the headboard and tugged Zelda closer, but when the redhead shifted eagerly to comply, she flinched away just as quickly. Lilith glanced down and chuckled darkly as she grabbed the poppet and the sewing needle stuck through it from between them. She dropped it on the bedside table without a spare glance. 

Attention unwavering on Zelda, she inched up the already raised hem of her skirt. “Oh, poor dear,” she purred. “Are you bleeding?”

She was, a tiny bead of bright red staining the porcelain of her thigh. _Lovely._ Lilith swiped at it with a long finger and raised it to examine. She met Zelda’s eyes and slowly licked the droplet from her finger, noting how closely Zelda followed her actions.

“Patience,” she whispered, even as she pushed Zelda back to free her from her skirt and blouse, leaving her in royal blue lace. She stripped the bra away as well, barely taking a moment to admire the sight.

“I want your skin against mine,” Zelda demanded, rising up on her knees to reach for the zipper of her dress, her voice breathy and a little high, in that way that made satisfaction curl up Lilith’s spine. She slid off the bed to let her, sweeping her own hair out of the way, and Zelda took the opportunity to drop kisses over the exposed skin of her neck as she drew down her zipper. 

Lilith shivered at the gentle attention, eyes fluttering closed, then pulled away to slip off the dress before returning, guiding Zelda to her back and stretching over her. 

There was something intoxicating about being with Zelda like this, she could lose herself in warm skin and grasping hands and the physicality of someone wanting her, but never demanding more than she was willing to give; a rare feature in her long, long life. 

She played Zelda like an instrument, with fingers and lips and teeth, down her chest and stomach and the sensitive skin of her thighs and then back up, lingering, teasing until Zelda was nothing but _feeling_ given form underneath her, just barely tempered impulse and lust and it was glorious. She ground against her unabashedly, held back only by Lilith’s tight grip on her hip. “You can’t wait any longer, hmm?”

“No,” she bit out. “Just fuck me already.”

Lilith laughed, surprising herself as it bubbled up from somewhere deep and uncalculated, and saw the desire painted clear on Zelda’s face start to turn to frustration, so she dipped her fingers to trace over damp lace.

When she peeled the fabric down, it was wet enough to stick, and then Zelda bucked at the first touch of her fingers, grazing two over her clit and then sliding inside of her without hesitation. She fucked her, curling them hard as Zelda cursed and pleaded.

She pressed a third finger inside, fucking her and stretching her until she was groaning against Lilith's neck, rocking her hips desperately as Lilith put weight behind the thrusts.

Lilith pulled back, taking in the sweat blooming on her brow and the pink flush staining down her neck and over her chest, and Zelda whined. Her eyes fluttered open and met Lilith's unreservedly. Lust and appreciation and -- she thought -- even affection radiated from them. It tore at her, battering her walls and her self-control until she was slowing her motions, dropping heated kisses on Zelda's parted lips.

"Lilith… what do you want?"

Her heart felt as though it hitched along with her breath. She'd truly never tire of or become used to that question being asked genuinely. She was here, _here,_ not unaffected, not playing at indifference, and there was so much Lilith wanted. She nipped at her jaw. "Can you take more?"

"Yes, oh, heavens, more,” Zelda moaned into her ear, sending shivers all down her spine.

Lilith entered her with a fourth finger, sliding easily as Zelda had her wet and slick down to her palm. Zelda shuddered under her, clutching at her shoulders. 

She wanted to hold this moment in her mind forever, an inverse of hell's torturous repeating tableaus. The warmth of Zelda's touch, the regard in her eyes, the throb of her cunt. The power entrusted to her. She wished she could form it into a shield, to draw out of herself in her darkest times.

Lilith pulled away, sliding down between Zelda's legs. She licked broadly over tender flesh before fixing her mouth around Zelda’s clit, swirling her tongue in tight circles, drawing her name from Zelda’s lips. She fucked her steadily, unrelentingly, until Zelda began to tremble, the twitch of her thighs a charm in itself that kept Lilith pushing her higher and higher until her back bowed and Zelda spasmed around her fingers with a hoarse cry. But she kept going, easing her through her peak, and when Zelda slumped bonelessly into the bed, she only pressed deeper. “Lilith,” Zelda gasped helplessly.

“Yes?”

“I’m so-” She cut off into a cry as Lilith thrust again.

“You’re what? So wet? You’re positively soaking these sheets. Or so full? Because you’re going to take just a bit more for me, aren’t you?” Lilith asked, eyes fixed on Zelda’s enraptured face. 

“Please,” whimpered Zelda, fluttering around her fingers again at the words. 

She took the time to slick her hand further with lube and then tucked her thumb in, kissing open-mouthed over the crease of Zelda's hip. Kept fucking her, slowly, pausing to press a little further at the end of each stroke, coaxing her into opening up. Zelda was rocking back in return, and it was delicious, but she was still too tense for what Lilith wanted. 

Lilith slowed her motions to a crawl. "Relax," she almost cooed, and then repeated herself more firmly. Zelda melted into the bed, giving herself over to Lilith, who nudged her legs wider.

She pushed, twisting gently, giving Zelda an unrelenting pressure that she didn't want to escape from. "Breathe for me." Zelda heaved a rapid breath, and then a more measured one. She eased back again and then pushed until she thought she was going to have to relent, pushed until Zelda was starting to squirm, and just then the widest part of her knuckles slipped in. Zelda’s body pulled her inside, enveloping her hand. The keening sound she made sung through Lilith like a prayer. 

Lilith pressed her teeth into the meat of her thigh, barely resisting the urge to bite down. “Good. That’s so good,” she praised, dragging a choked noise from Zelda in response. She grabbed at Lilith until their hands tangled together.

“Tell me, how does that feel?” she asked, evening out her tone, aiming for something with a little more distance, but Zelda was lost, beyond words, another groan ripped from her throat as Lilith shifted her hand. She gazed hungrily at the pink flesh in front of her, diving forward, sucking and lapping at her swollen clit, until Zelda let out a sobbing moan that was just this side of overstimulated. Lilith let up, resting her chin on Zelda's belly, watching intently as she took her apart.

“Zelda,” she said, but it came out with an unintended edge of desperation. That was all it took for the redhead’s eyes to flutter open, locking with hers. She looked wrecked, beyond flushed, her face red and her pupils blown, unable to speak, barely able to draw breath. Zelda was laid bare, unmasked beyond anything she’d ever seen, vulnerable and pleading for something unnameable. It lit something primal inside Lilith, something powerful and overwhelming and she felt as enchanted with Zelda as she ever had in her most refined and ruthless moments. Zelda squeezed at their still linked fingers and Lilith could only grasp her in return, moving with aching slowness inside her until she drove her into another climax, arching and crying out and clenching impossibly tight around her hand.

Lilith waited until Zelda calmed, waited until she started to relax and pull away with a little anxious flutter of her hand before she slid out ever so gingerly, though it still made Zelda whimper, as tender as she was.

She stayed there, face pressed against the softness of Zelda’s stomach, panting harsh breaths that had nothing to do with exertion, knowing that eventually, Zelda would tuck all of this away, carefully concealed under her brittle surface. But the other woman was tugging weakly at her and when she moved up, Zelda all but clung to her, stroking over her face and hair and back. 

She drifted in the embrace, not to sleep, or even entirely into relaxation, but to a warm, comfortable place, where she felt less alert, less on edge than she had in ages.

Eventually, Zelda found her voice, an even huskier rumble than usual. “You’re humming.”

She stopped.

A hand fell gently to her cheek. She didn’t flinch. “It’s lovely. You don't have to hide yourself."

" _I_ don't have to hide myself? I’ve never known you to be so ironic."

"Lilith," she said with exasperation, though it felt soft, fond. Not an entirely unfamiliar tone. "I've never been particularly good at hiding the way you make me feel. No matter what those feelings were."

Lilith looked at her silently, arching an eyebrow. But Zelda's hand started its soothing sweep up and down her back again, and she could only speculate at what Zelda really wanted. 

She was drawn inexorably to the redhead, the glow of her hauntingly angelic in the dim lamplight. She felt as if she’d exposed herself as much as Zelda, as though she were dooming herself again for the sake of a kind touch. She wondered how much she would suffer for it this time and started to pull away.

Zelda’s painted fingertips clutched at her again, betraying her for only a moment, before she folded them away, crossed over her chest. “If you want to leave, I shan’t ask you not to.”

She met Lilith’s eyes, though her face was scrunched with discomfort. She was trembling. This was what lay beneath Zelda's carefully crafted mask of detachment. Though she was hardly a novice at reading her, she had never been quite so transparent. She found herself getting back into bed, guiding them both under the covers, because she had done this, and the idea of abandoning Zelda to the aftermath sat uneasily with her. “What now?”

“I don’t know,” Zelda replied, but curled into her side, closing her eyes, hand falling to Lilith’s sternum. Her heart lurched again, ancient and neglected within her ribs. It was too much, and yet not enough. 


End file.
